I don't know anything

I don't know what to think anymore. I met someone that really shook up my world. It's a serious shock to the system to be shown things about yourself you never noticed before, and I thought I was pretty self-aware. I don't know how other people do it. Putting themselves out there time after time only to be hurt again and again. Part of me thinks this is real life though. I actually stepped out into the land of the living and got outside of the little world in my head. I've spent so much time alone I struggle with effectively communicating with someone on a level that doesn't involve me trying to be some kind of example. The sharing of a life is very foreign to me. It's now up to me to grow, to heal, to learn, put God first more than I have in a decade or better.
I don't know what happened to an old post of mine where I said "A life lived for yourself, no matter how grand, is a life wasted." but I think of that a lot now. One thing I realized after writing that last line is that I've had a fatalistic view of my life. It's up to me if I want to die alone, "fate" hasn't decided for me. I can choose to grow, to learn to love more completely and less selfishly.

In terms of Wild at Heart; at an age when I should have already been a cowboy, a warrior and becoming a lover, I'm a 31 year old cowboy that has never had a battle to fight or a beauty to rescue. But I don't want to be a cowboy forever. I'm searching for that purpose/battle to fight(the warrior) for and hoping for a beauty to rescue(the lover). One thing, I'm realizing more than ever, it really is up to ME. I can sit back and think it's all out of my hands and this is my "fate" or I can get off my ass and seek God and let Him move in my life like I never have before.

GOD HELP ME