impossible for me

I've been reflecting on things that I wrote about in Gee-oh-dee along with the impact of life right now.
It's hit me with more weight than ever about what it takes to effect real change. What Christ did is the only thing that could be done. Had he done anything of himself, anything that could be attributed to some certain skill, some talent, some brilliance, then all He set into place would have been nearly nothing compared to what it is. His perfect sacrifice, His sinless life, is the only thing that actually made room for all of us to come to God.
I see in my life that where I compromise I have no defense against judgement, whether from man or God.
Had Christ ever, even once, struck back at his accusers, His message of love would have been forever tainted. [Hate and evil can never be defeated by anything less than pure love, self-less, self-sacrificing love. There is no room for me to cuss someone out in order to stand my ground. I can't punch sense into anyone, all I can really do is take a punch to prove what I say. There's no room for me to be "hard" in order to get my respect in the hiphop community when I call myself a Christian. I think it's kinda weak to keep touting your gangbanger past in order to reach a few outside the Christian scene. Jesus didn't have to be "hard"].
One slip ANYWHERE and His, mine, your accusers have us indebted forever, it can't be undone.
This isn't to say there is no freedom, no grace, no room for mistakes. It just elevates the importance of what He did. It's because He did it, and did it for us that He can give us the grace we need because we can't live up to that kind of standard!
I know this discussion doesn't help the person that doesn't understand why God has such a standard in the first place, but that's for another time, I have a small window for my writing attention span.

I guess in all this what I get is an awe for what a thing Jesus accomplished, producing gratitude in me. It also reminds me of what kind of picture a sloppy life paints. God grant me the grace to come to Him in my strength and weakness.

hope

This was some stuff going through my head at the same time of my last writing. They seem to kind of go together, for me anyway.

I was looking at my shirt, Hope Never Fails again, and I was thinking about how true that is. Hope never fails because hope never quits, it never gives up. So I was thinking about the difference between hope and optimism and I think it's kinda like this: Optimism is usually based on feeling good about natural things, whether it's goodwill of man, or better future circumstances or even our own ability to handle situations. But hope is different because of where hope is placed. As a Christian my hope isn't placed in things like better circumstances, or humankind or even my ability to rise above life's difficulties. My hope is placed in something beyond myself, something bigger than myself, bigger than humankind. My hope's rock is something that won't let me down, something that's not as fickle as my own emotions. Where your hope is placed is important, which becomes clear if you've ever lost hope. If you've ever lost hope I suspect you placed it in something that was going to let you down, as I have done myself. Of course you probably didn't think you had it misplaced at the time, but the result of losing that hope should make it clear that whatever you placed it in failed you. Now what if you say "I put my hope in God and He let me down"?, well I dare to speculate that perhaps it wasn't Him that let you down. But rather you may have been let down because you didn't get what you expected of Him. To which I would have to reply you were not then failed by Him, but rather by your misplaced hope in your expectations of Him. So your hope was in your expectations of Him and not in Him alone. If our hope is in Him alone, whatever may come our way, we can take it head on, trusting Him in whom we hope. Why trust Him? Because His word shows us He has a plan for us a future and a hope. That His love for us only has our best interest in mind. Of course it will not always look or feel like that, but we see in a very small bit of time, and we see very little of such a vast picture.
I'm gonna come back to this as my focus comes back.

I always lose

I don't know if you've ever felt like all you do is make excuses for God, but I've felt like that from time to time since my Mom died. What I mean is, I take the side of the Christian but also the non-christian and I debate myself. My old nature always accuses the new of always finding loopholes for God when things don't go the way I wish they would. When I want to know why my Dad has had the life he's had, the Christian answers are you going to love God when He does what you want, or because He loves you, which is the only reason I even know what love is. When the old nature asks where are His blessings?, the Christian answers look at the blessings you do have! What am I lacking that I simply cannot do without? What has God so meanly deprived me of? So then my old nature accuses me of always finding a way out for Him, because His word always has an explanation or admonition for whatever I encounter. When I am fearful about the future what does His word say? To trust Him. When I'm angry about injustice, what does His word say, that He is the judge of all and everyone will reap what they have sown. So their judgment may not fit the judgment I would exact, but God knows the heart and judges rightly, unlike us who mostly judge after what we see. Who am I to think this finite created being can question the infinite and insist He satisfy my demands? And everytime, no matter how loud the old nature likes to argue, the debate always comes down to this: who is in charge? Is it me, or God? Because you see, it is pride in my old nature that wants it's way, wants God to be who I want Him to be, not who He is.
When I demand answers, proof, satisfaction in any way, I set myself as God's judge. How arrogant can we be?!
Sure you could go through life and sit as God's judge and convince yourself you don't have to answer to Him but rather He answer to you, and since He won't or at least not to your satisfaction you insist on unbelief, or non-belief. But what a foolish argument to make. You have a right to your opinion, but I can't get over the absurdity of a piece of playdough demanding it's maker explain itself to him. I guess that's where I'm at.
I still have the debates, or rather the old nature likes to argue, but the new understands what the old refuses to accept....I am not King.