I know everyone has there own story but it doesn't matter how many times I read a similar story from someone else, once in awhile you just need someone to sit next to ya, remind you of what you know, give ya hug.
It's gettin rough this year not having Mom around. They say the second year is usually the hardest and I think they're right. I've been cleaning up house and going through cards, pictures and all that kind of stuff, and there's been a couple pretty rough nights.
There are no shortcuts in the healing process, you pretty much have to go through it. It takes time, and it hurts, but they say eventually it gets better.
Nothing is the same since Mom has been gone. Even family don't know some things between my Dad and me, the way we feel, the way some things went at home. Even family don't see past the surface sometimes. I know some real strong guys that have still run away from things because it hurt too much. You pretty much shut it down, bury it until one day maybe you're able to deal with it better. No one is perfect, no one has it together all the time.
I don't need lessons on how God is my comforter, I know that. But I can't feel His arm around me, I don't hear His voice in my ear. That's why it's so important for us to be His arms, hands and feet, because people like me...like you, need to feel those things once in awhile, need a voice of understanding, comfort, a strong hand, a non-judgmental look of love.
I'm so tired of those kind of Christians, the kind that always have the Word for you. I was that kind of Christian. Sometimes you just need to shutup and be there for someone.
You don't realize how much you need someone until they're gone. I never knew how much I wanted to make my mom happy until she wasn't there to be proud of me. That's still taking a lot of getting used to. I think I've said it before, but a guy feels one way when he makes his Dad proud and another way entirely when he makes his mom proud. At least I do.
3 comments:
I was 10 years old when my Mom passed away. It wasn't until I was 20 that I really came to terms with it all. I had now lived half my life without a Mom. The week of her death when I was 20 left me an emotional wreck. I was in a serious relationship and it hit me that my Mom would never be a part of my future. It spooked my roommate and girlfriend seeing me come to terms with all that I had missed and would miss.
After I came to the King, I struggled with the thought of eternity without her. It wasnt until I read Psalm 131, that I finally 'allowed' Him to be God. I know it was Holy Spirit that enabled me to accept life and move forward.
When I turned 30 it was still tough to acknowledge that I now had spent twice as long living without my Mom as I had living.
It was easier only because Jesus had given me the healing I needed.
I believe it is only because I "conceded" that He is God.
Now I am 35 and I have been asked by my kids and I have talked with my wife about my Mom. "How did she died," "Did you cry?" "Do I miss her?" which I can try to explain to a 6 and 5 year old.
"Is she in heaven?" "Is she with Jesus?" "Why did she die?" are questions that I dont have answers for now but I can be confident and have Peace when I explain to Naomi and Logan that God knows. And that is "knowledge" that can only come from Him!
I would like to share some of them on my facebook page (Thomas, Trusting the Weather, Coming full Circle are very cool reads)if you are cool with that. You have a style and honesty that I appreciate. You get your point across without wordiness and straying from the subject.
Thanks for taking the time to share.
Thanks man, it's always good to hear from people that have had to deal with similar situations. It's strange the way things catch up with you later, like the reality of missing someone in your life. With your discretion, feel free to share anything I write with others.
I am sad that you are sad. Actually I am glad in one way... you are grieving the loss of relationship that was important to you. Our emotions are part of the godly design. Emotions may not always be facts, but they are very real. Christianity is not about avoiding emotions, but subjecting them to the Holy Spirit and the knowledge of God.
The grieving process is different for everyone. Pop-Christianity isn't going to manage it. It is going to take a deepening relationship with the Master; the One that supplies peace, and comfort. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible, John 11:35 "And Jesus wept." He grieved the loss of Lazarus who was shortly raised from the dead.
This is year 7 for me. My mother never met my wife, or my 5-year-old... two wonderful gifts from the Lord. She didn't/won't see my other daughters graduate from high school or college... or get married.
But I am confidant that whatever heaven is actually like, we'll have a reunion.
And, today I miss her voice, her affection, and her kooky wisdom on life.
Post a Comment