giving up

Part of me wishes I could summarize what I've been going through for the past several years, but part of me thinks it's pointless because we all have similar stories. We all have trials, successes, failures, gains and losses. My heart is always exploding and crumbling, but I haven't always been this way. I used to be much more even, not so high and low. But that was before I started experiencing many things that affect so many other people. A few years ago I lost an aunt that I was very close to, then a year and half ago I lost my mom. Those two events were the things that shook me the most. But during that time frame my Dad's church had gone through many tribulations as well. And everyday things piled and piled up, and my own weaknesses seemed to be swallowing me. Everyday I was closer and closer to drowning. I couldn't remember what it was like to walk on water, I was cursing the hand I had reached for so many times before.
I've been a very angry man for several years now. Of course I had days where I felt compassion but my overall attitude has been angry, unhappy and unsatisfied and bitter most of all I think. I knew and know that my situation isn't unique. People have lost parents, children and spouses for millenia. But knowing someone has had it worse than you doesn't mean you don't feel the difficulty of your own situation. We all have to walk through the shadows by ourselves. There is only One who goes through with us and it often doesn't feel like He's there, but as the old writing goes "the one set of footprints was when I carried you".
Well, since I'm not saying anything new or anything that hasn't been better said by someone else, I'll cut to the chase.

I think I finally hit my turn-around spot. I've had enough of myself. I've finally exhausted my frustration, anger and selfishness, and I can go no further. So this is where I set it all down and give it to someone that can carry it. Someone that tells me to cast all my care on Him because He cares for me. The same One that tells me to worry for nothing but in all things give thanks and prayer because He knows what I need.

I came to a fork and I saw meaninglessness, violence and emptiness. And then I saw Love, and a plan gone awry with redemption plugged into a space in time leading to the reconcilliation of all things....and I rejoiced with tears.