trusting the weather

I have; so many times, found myself thinking it's so hard to wait on God and believe that He'll come through for me.
But I realized something at work today.
I realized it's easier for me to get through today when I'm hopeful for the future. What is getting me through work right now is planning a couple mini-vacations to come later this year. And when I'm throwin a fit because my clothes are sticking to me and my jeans are chafing me, and I want a job I can put my heart into, I think about the end of August (when I'm planning on going to WI to kayak) and sometime in October (when I'm planning on hiking). So when I put my hope in knowing that the weather will change, and things won't be so humid another day, I get through another day.
So I found it funny that I had no trouble believing/knowing the weather will change, and I will enjoy the weather much more once I get through the humid spell, but I have so much trouble believing God will come through for me or my Dad.
But let me say this as well: I've been waiting a long @#$%^& time for God to do something for my dad. Now, I know that time does not negate the promises of God, but you certainly begin to wonder if He will EVER come through.
But with this silly, simple revelation today maybe I can begin to correct my outlook and once again put my trust in Him. In Him who is more faithful than the weather.

dee-oh-gee and Gee-oh-dee

I recently caught part of an episode of Dog The Bounty Hunter and it made me think about a couple things. First a little background: Dog is apparently a professing Christian as it has been noted by some evangelicals. So when I saw him and his crew completely overreact while pursuing a guy with a warrant out for him I was a little dissapointed.
I was most saddened by a line I've used and thought far too many times myself, "lucky for you I'm a changed man, or I would have ^&#%ing ripped you apart". And I asked him, as I have asked myself, 'is that the supposed changed man saying that?'. I was saddened to see my own level of Christian living on television for everyone to see.
Something about that whole scene isn't right. I don't claim to be a pacifist, and I don't endorse it in it's extreme forms, but I can't say that kind of behavior, attitude and language is in line with the example Jesus set for us.
I can't count the number of times I've thought or said the same thing..."lucky for you I'm a Christian you @#$%!" That doesn't sound like something a Christian should be saying does it?! It's one thing to remain masculine and another to completely react as a man without the love of the Father in him.
If this is the best a Christian man can be, I don't consider that to be much of a change at all. This man is no better than a moral atheist. What real change is there when all we have that separates us from a violent man is some restraint?
I have found when this is the man I am, I am no longer depending on the new nature in me, the nature given through Christ, I am resigning myself to my old life. What kind of example do I set when I tell someone "if I wasn't a Christian, I would kick your ass!" Is there a heart change in there? I don't think so. So I need to humble myself again and realize I have not the strength to be who I can be, not without Christ.
It's amazing how difficult it can be to do nothing....to remain on your knees. I make it so difficult. It's funny how quick we can be to rise and defend or attack.
"Put away wrath, malice and evil speaking"

the wisdom of man and God

One thing I noticed Hitchens did frequently is criticize God's wisdom in the grand scheme of our existence. I found it interesting that on the one hand he would grant God omniscience, and omnipotence for the sake of argument, but then call that omniscience, etc. into question. So that got me thinking: If we are willing to grant God omniscience, omnipotence and omnipresence how do we even begin to question His methods? If we give Him all the aforementioned traits and we logically assert ourselves (the created) to be less than the Creator, I again ask: where do we begin to question His plan? It seems much easier and even rational that if we grant him all those qualities that we should relax and trust His plan, seeing as it is so far beyond us to do His job.
Now if we don't grant God all those qualities, well what kind of God does that give us? Now that will lead you down to some crazy-ass philosophies. We end up with gods, or multiple personality god, or some wildly impersonal force of nature, some mysterious cosmic cloud -which seems to be what The Secret basically is. None of those possibilities reflect something that gives cause to everything we have learned in the short history of humanity- reason, logic, love etc.

God is not great

Hitchens is an arrogant moron. Ok, moron is a little harsh, but he isn't even close to presenting his book in a way which even comes close to the superior writings of those he criticizes.
What I found most amusing was how the arguments he used against C.S. Lewis couldn't even hold up to the argument presented by Lewis, and Hitchens continues on as if without further discussion he is correct! The assumptions were glaring and many, much like his contempt for so many "non-sequiter" conclusions by Christians, which he himself so freely lept to. At least Hitchens admitted to not sharing the same caliber of writing as those he criticizes, which is the best thing he could do for any of his readers.
This is no better a book than I could have written. He did a horrible job presenting conclusive arguments for his viewpoint, God is not great is pretty much a presentation of all his personal thoughts backed up by "evidence" of his own discoveries and perceptions. That would be like me telling you I'm right and here's a pie chart I made to prove it, without any outside measurement of accuracy.

giving up

Part of me wishes I could summarize what I've been going through for the past several years, but part of me thinks it's pointless because we all have similar stories. We all have trials, successes, failures, gains and losses. My heart is always exploding and crumbling, but I haven't always been this way. I used to be much more even, not so high and low. But that was before I started experiencing many things that affect so many other people. A few years ago I lost an aunt that I was very close to, then a year and half ago I lost my mom. Those two events were the things that shook me the most. But during that time frame my Dad's church had gone through many tribulations as well. And everyday things piled and piled up, and my own weaknesses seemed to be swallowing me. Everyday I was closer and closer to drowning. I couldn't remember what it was like to walk on water, I was cursing the hand I had reached for so many times before.
I've been a very angry man for several years now. Of course I had days where I felt compassion but my overall attitude has been angry, unhappy and unsatisfied and bitter most of all I think. I knew and know that my situation isn't unique. People have lost parents, children and spouses for millenia. But knowing someone has had it worse than you doesn't mean you don't feel the difficulty of your own situation. We all have to walk through the shadows by ourselves. There is only One who goes through with us and it often doesn't feel like He's there, but as the old writing goes "the one set of footprints was when I carried you".
Well, since I'm not saying anything new or anything that hasn't been better said by someone else, I'll cut to the chase.

I think I finally hit my turn-around spot. I've had enough of myself. I've finally exhausted my frustration, anger and selfishness, and I can go no further. So this is where I set it all down and give it to someone that can carry it. Someone that tells me to cast all my care on Him because He cares for me. The same One that tells me to worry for nothing but in all things give thanks and prayer because He knows what I need.

I came to a fork and I saw meaninglessness, violence and emptiness. And then I saw Love, and a plan gone awry with redemption plugged into a space in time leading to the reconcilliation of all things....and I rejoiced with tears.

I plead the fifth

It's a shame to know that my fifth grade teacher pretty much summed me up in a sentence: "He'd be great if he'd just apply himself"

coming full circle (from adulthood to childhood)

I've been going over some things lately and here it is.
I was trying to reconcile a personal God that also created natural laws and free will. It seemed to me that all I saw around me was cause and effect. I began wondering how much God ever really moved in someone's life, or maybe better said, to what extent. After much frustrated contemplation I found a few conclusions.
1. When all I view is the cause and effect of nature I'm no longer looking at God behind it all. Which is key, we can't forget that there is someone, not some impersonal cosmic force behind it all.
2. After reminding myself of the previous revelation, I knew that I also was unwittingly putting limitations on God, by confining Him to the natural laws He established. The fact of the existence of natural laws in no way means it is His only way of expressing Himself to His creation.
3. After knowing that natural laws are not the only means of His expression/manifestation, we remember that He is SUPERnatural. Meaning that He supercedes the natural we can observe. The natural exists in Him, it originated in Him, He is more than able to work through the natural processes He created or to override them (in His omniscience and omnipotence)-in which case we observe miracles-things that "defy" natural processes.
4. So after being reminded of all these things I was finally reminded of the fact that in the Bible, God was moved by the faith of His people, the obedience of His people, and was moved to do something supernatural. So I end up where I started when I was a young christian, before I had any questions: putting my faith and trust in a loving, personal God, funny how things come full circle isn't.
All of this started when I was wrapped up in being frustrated for never seeing something supernatural. Like I said I was wrapped up in seeing cause and effect for everything I was observing in my life and those I care about. But I've been reminded that cause and effect is a very small matter when dealing with an awesome God, one that says "Only believe", "All things are possible to them that believe".

My closing thought is this: I can either put my eyes on the natural world and it's limits, or I can put my eyes on the limitless God.