coming full circle (from adulthood to childhood)

I've been going over some things lately and here it is.
I was trying to reconcile a personal God that also created natural laws and free will. It seemed to me that all I saw around me was cause and effect. I began wondering how much God ever really moved in someone's life, or maybe better said, to what extent. After much frustrated contemplation I found a few conclusions.
1. When all I view is the cause and effect of nature I'm no longer looking at God behind it all. Which is key, we can't forget that there is someone, not some impersonal cosmic force behind it all.
2. After reminding myself of the previous revelation, I knew that I also was unwittingly putting limitations on God, by confining Him to the natural laws He established. The fact of the existence of natural laws in no way means it is His only way of expressing Himself to His creation.
3. After knowing that natural laws are not the only means of His expression/manifestation, we remember that He is SUPERnatural. Meaning that He supercedes the natural we can observe. The natural exists in Him, it originated in Him, He is more than able to work through the natural processes He created or to override them (in His omniscience and omnipotence)-in which case we observe miracles-things that "defy" natural processes.
4. So after being reminded of all these things I was finally reminded of the fact that in the Bible, God was moved by the faith of His people, the obedience of His people, and was moved to do something supernatural. So I end up where I started when I was a young christian, before I had any questions: putting my faith and trust in a loving, personal God, funny how things come full circle isn't.
All of this started when I was wrapped up in being frustrated for never seeing something supernatural. Like I said I was wrapped up in seeing cause and effect for everything I was observing in my life and those I care about. But I've been reminded that cause and effect is a very small matter when dealing with an awesome God, one that says "Only believe", "All things are possible to them that believe".

My closing thought is this: I can either put my eyes on the natural world and it's limits, or I can put my eyes on the limitless God.

growing up

I find it peculiar that I can feel let down by life, when I never had any definite expectations to begin with. There is no one thing that I feel is owed me that has been denied. Just an overall sense of not being, or getting where I want to be or have. Pretty silly. But I'm sure it's a part of growing up and realizing the real world doesn't fit our expectations very often, we have to adjust to the way the world is....to reality. But it doesn't have to be disappointing, we just have to realize we had some biased or ignorant ideas/assumptions/desires, let those go and move on.
Is it fair that I have to pay bills, maybe not, but is it reality...yup.
And in the grand scheme of things, it is fair that I should pay for what I want, someone had to make it, and they deserve to be compensated for their work.
I guess the area I feel most restricted is the absolute freedom that we think we deserve. But something I think is amusing is who told us we deserve anything? Especially if we are a product of chance and survival (which we clearly are not), what on earth gives us the feeling of being deserving of anything. I think we feel deserving of something, because we feel like we're lacking something. We feel like we will fulfill what's lacking by finding some mysterious absolute freedom. But in all the ways that we seek this freedom ( i.e. sexual freedom, drugs, violence, power, wealth etc.)we find ourselves more and more bound. Because what we are lacking is not freedom, we're missing the responsiblity that comes to balance that freedom. But we reject this feeling of responsibility, and in so doing reject the idea of God. So there we have our problem: what we're lacking is the relationship with our maker we were created to have. It's only in discovering and restoring that relationship that we begin to find what freedom really is and then we also find peace. Amen.
It can be a hard pill to swallow even when you know it's the truth.

freedom

I've been thinking about freedom again. I think it's funny that we try to keep people in boxes. When I think about those things in regard to Christians, I think of all the "do's" and "don'ts" placed on us. And right now I'm thinking more specifically of those placed on us by other Christians. Through the years we've carried so many rules around. So many rules that Jesus Himself didn't put on us. We have a code of conduct to follow instead of listening to God's own Spirit in our lives. As long as you follow the rules you're ok. Jesus had something to say about that. He said the Pharisees washed the outside of the cup but the inside was still filthy. It was all an outward show. The cleansing has to come on the inside and the outside. The cup doesn't serve it's purpose if it's only clean on the outside.
So back to all the rules.
In my opinion a lot of these rules were put on us because of fear, fear by those in leadership. They were afraid of freedom. Freedom that Christ had given us. Rules were a method of controlling. Rules meant MEN could be in charge instead of Christ. Oh, but I tell you...there is freedom. Christ isn't telling you to follow rules. He tells us there is a right way to live, and His life was a picture of that. But that life can't be lived by following rules, it's lived by a change at the very center of our being. That change is a change from living according to a warped and fallen state to one of a redeemed, corrected, straightened state. So you see that living according to rules is only us trying to live this new life without the necessary changes on the inside. And that is impossible, and impossibly frustrating to everyone trying to accomplish it. And those incredibly frustrated people continue to make more rules for themselves and others in an effort to get where they can't possibly get to.
So again I find I would need to write a book to fully convey what I would like to, but I'm not that talented.

Thomas

I brought this from my myspace:

I've finally found the words for something that really shook me.
With the stuff that happened with my mom I found myself questioning a lot of what I believe. I was wondering why I would be rocked to the core if I really believed what I claimed to. The fact that I questioned worried me. I started thinking I was a total fake, a guy full of someone else's words, with hardly any of it real to myself.
But as the dust cloud of confusion stirred up by my anger began to settle I began to see. What I saw was that I was still just a man. I have emotions. I have doubts. I have fears. And I saw that all of that does not change Him. He knows all of that about me! He sees me with such clarity I can't imagine it. Jesus didn't kick Thomas out of the club because of his doubts...He called Thomas to come and see, and believe! He loved Thomas, He embraced him. God knows we have a lot of growing to do. We've strayed along way off from all that He created us to be. When am I going to accept His love unconditionally? Most of us have been told He loves us unconditionally, but do we accept His love uncondtionally. I still catch myself trying to earn His love now and again. Oh, if I could just accept it!! If WE could just accept it!! What are you keeping between Him and you? What makes you think He can't love you? What makes you think He can't love you the way you are?
God is not going to cast me aside because I have some struggles. He invites me to examine Him, to find the truth and to believe. This is God who turned Saul into Paul!
Lord thank you for never leaving me, and for promising to finish what You began in me!

my mind is so humbled by His greatness