I don't know what to think anymore. I met someone that really shook up my world. It's a serious shock to the system to be shown things about yourself you never noticed before, and I thought I was pretty self-aware. I don't know how other people do it. Putting themselves out there time after time only to be hurt again and again. Part of me thinks this is real life though. I actually stepped out into the land of the living and got outside of the little world in my head. I've spent so much time alone I struggle with effectively communicating with someone on a level that doesn't involve me trying to be some kind of example. The sharing of a life is very foreign to me. It's now up to me to grow, to heal, to learn, put God first more than I have in a decade or better.
I don't know what happened to an old post of mine where I said "A life lived for yourself, no matter how grand, is a life wasted." but I think of that a lot now. One thing I realized after writing that last line is that I've had a fatalistic view of my life. It's up to me if I want to die alone, "fate" hasn't decided for me. I can choose to grow, to learn to love more completely and less selfishly.
In terms of Wild at Heart; at an age when I should have already been a cowboy, a warrior and becoming a lover, I'm a 31 year old cowboy that has never had a battle to fight or a beauty to rescue. But I don't want to be a cowboy forever. I'm searching for that purpose/battle to fight(the warrior) for and hoping for a beauty to rescue(the lover). One thing, I'm realizing more than ever, it really is up to ME. I can sit back and think it's all out of my hands and this is my "fate" or I can get off my ass and seek God and let Him move in my life like I never have before.
GOD HELP ME
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
fair? continued and expanded
Some things I was thinking about that (to me) related to my comments in "fair?" had to do a little more with the law in relation to our rule of law and the law concerning the old testament.
I've been getting much more understanding about what the Bible means when it tells us that the law was given to show us our hearts. I knew the words forever and I knew the explanation you were supposed to give to people, but they were just words with no real understanding, only the simple understanding of "this is what it says, this is what I've been told".
What I see in America is our tendency toward more and more laws. Now I know many arguments will be made that we need those laws because we continue to have people finding more and more ways around them and just plain breaking laws. But what I seem to find is that the more laws we make the more we end up breaking. There's no such thing as commonsense anymore, because we can sue McDonalds for our own bumbling the hot coffee in our lap. We continue to make more laws because people refuse to be responsible for their actions. They want laws to tell them what they can and can't do. But those people are the same stubborn, foolish people that will ignore the commonsense in their heart and heads, and will continue to do so until they have no freedom and eventually, no will left. The government becomes their everything, it makes all their decisions and directs all their efforts-effectively subduing, crushing their own will.
What I think the Old Testament shows us is that the law can't change our hearts. It was only meant to show us the condition of them. God was trying to show us the problem isn't just in our actions, and we can't just regulate our actions with an abudance of laws. We have to get to the root, to the heart that determines the actions, which is something laws can't reach. All of this gives me a great appreciation of God's intention of/for our liberty, and what it really means to be free. Who is the better citizen, the man that obeys the law because it is the law, or for fear of reprisal or the man who obeys the law from his heart, not because he is made to (the law) but because he wants to. God wants us to see His goodness and choose His ways over ours because we WANT to, not because we HAVE to (the law). And it is only when we recognize His goodness, His love, that we even begin to WANT to choose His ways over ours. Until we come to that point individually, that we see Him for who He is, we will struggle with choosing His ways over ours. But even then, it's not over. Everyday we have to deny our own selfish desires and choose His ways. It's a battle, because freedom is a battle. So part of the victory comes from our focus, if we keep Him before us we can press on toward the upward call of Christ.
wow, I am all over the map, but let me know what you think
I've been getting much more understanding about what the Bible means when it tells us that the law was given to show us our hearts. I knew the words forever and I knew the explanation you were supposed to give to people, but they were just words with no real understanding, only the simple understanding of "this is what it says, this is what I've been told".
What I see in America is our tendency toward more and more laws. Now I know many arguments will be made that we need those laws because we continue to have people finding more and more ways around them and just plain breaking laws. But what I seem to find is that the more laws we make the more we end up breaking. There's no such thing as commonsense anymore, because we can sue McDonalds for our own bumbling the hot coffee in our lap. We continue to make more laws because people refuse to be responsible for their actions. They want laws to tell them what they can and can't do. But those people are the same stubborn, foolish people that will ignore the commonsense in their heart and heads, and will continue to do so until they have no freedom and eventually, no will left. The government becomes their everything, it makes all their decisions and directs all their efforts-effectively subduing, crushing their own will.
What I think the Old Testament shows us is that the law can't change our hearts. It was only meant to show us the condition of them. God was trying to show us the problem isn't just in our actions, and we can't just regulate our actions with an abudance of laws. We have to get to the root, to the heart that determines the actions, which is something laws can't reach. All of this gives me a great appreciation of God's intention of/for our liberty, and what it really means to be free. Who is the better citizen, the man that obeys the law because it is the law, or for fear of reprisal or the man who obeys the law from his heart, not because he is made to (the law) but because he wants to. God wants us to see His goodness and choose His ways over ours because we WANT to, not because we HAVE to (the law). And it is only when we recognize His goodness, His love, that we even begin to WANT to choose His ways over ours. Until we come to that point individually, that we see Him for who He is, we will struggle with choosing His ways over ours. But even then, it's not over. Everyday we have to deny our own selfish desires and choose His ways. It's a battle, because freedom is a battle. So part of the victory comes from our focus, if we keep Him before us we can press on toward the upward call of Christ.
wow, I am all over the map, but let me know what you think
fair?
I've been thinking over the years about fairness and now the newly added emphasis on it. First off, I haven't personally talked to anyone that genuinely felt like the simplistic approach of taking from the rich to give to the poor was the right thing to do, (of course most of us at one time or another find an appeal in that passing thought) I apparently know people that know better, but it's stuff I've been thinking about nonetheless.
I have to ask, even though most people have a disdain for the rich, even for those just better off than us, I ask -- how fair is it to the affluent that our government take their money and give it to someone else? It seems that part of our instinct is to think it is fair, at least for the the one receiving, and we seem to think that is what is important. But thank God that He doesn't view us that way. God is concerned with the poor AND the rich.I don't think God is interested in making things "fair", but God IS just. Being just puts everyone on an individual basis with God. Everyone is responsible for themselves and their actions. Being fair always pits one person against another, whether it is by need, or lack or excess. With God being just - it is only between you and Him. It's not you against anyone else, or anyone against you.
How amazing is it that Jesus never took the wealth of the rich to give it to the poor. Instead He asked them to GIVE to the poor and needy. You see it comes down to much more than things, it comes down to matters of the heart. That is where God is most interested, our actions flow from what is in our heart. So those are my thoughts for now, maybe I'll add to them as I continue to think about it.
My note's musical accompaniment: "The Whore's Trophy II" by Symphony In Peril
I have to ask, even though most people have a disdain for the rich, even for those just better off than us, I ask -- how fair is it to the affluent that our government take their money and give it to someone else? It seems that part of our instinct is to think it is fair, at least for the the one receiving, and we seem to think that is what is important. But thank God that He doesn't view us that way. God is concerned with the poor AND the rich.I don't think God is interested in making things "fair", but God IS just. Being just puts everyone on an individual basis with God. Everyone is responsible for themselves and their actions. Being fair always pits one person against another, whether it is by need, or lack or excess. With God being just - it is only between you and Him. It's not you against anyone else, or anyone against you.
How amazing is it that Jesus never took the wealth of the rich to give it to the poor. Instead He asked them to GIVE to the poor and needy. You see it comes down to much more than things, it comes down to matters of the heart. That is where God is most interested, our actions flow from what is in our heart. So those are my thoughts for now, maybe I'll add to them as I continue to think about it.
My note's musical accompaniment: "The Whore's Trophy II" by Symphony In Peril
Monday, January 12, 2009
God, liberty, socialism and the law
My mind is just being melted lately by so many similarities I'm finding in my comparisons of things like liberty, capitalism, the law and socialism.
I've often commented to my friends that we have to be careful on just how much we try to make laws out of our Christian beliefs. It's true we need to defend the defenseless, help the helpless, and love our neighbors, all of which Jesus said to do. But there are times when I think we can try to make laws that overstep the purpose of the gospel. When we try to make all the commandments of Jesus into laws we ruin exactly what God is trying accomplish, we become Pharisees and Saducees, people that are only concerned about the law and not about the heart. It's also what I see a lot of in socialism. Socialism has a lot of good social principles, spreading the wealth, supplies, and work to those that need it. It would seem like a good idea to take from someone who seems to have more than they need (deserve, in other people's eyes) and give it to the less fortunate. But think about it, when you make him, by law, give it away he is more inclined to be bitter toward the law and find ways around it, thus hardening his heart.
But when a man out of his heart gives cheerfully to those less fortunate, he seems more inclined to give, and will often give above what-had he been obliged by law-to give, and his heart is close to the heart of God.
Don't get me wrong capitalism isn't perfect, but what I see in it is God's gift of freedom. I see a metaphore of Him letting us choose to do the right things, and not being held by excessive law that would overburden even the most able. You see, the law is never satisfied, none of us can ever fulfill the law. There are those that would seek to cheat the law, those that would seek to abuse the law. But when there is liberty....freedom, it is on each one of us in a much more personal way (I think). Of course we have cheaters and abusers in capitalism, but in order for socialism to work the government has to become more and more and more in charge of every part of our lives. Every little thing has to be overseen by the gov. which means we would all be drowning in more and more laws and regulations. America has unfortunately been headed this direction for some time, and it saddens me.
Proper capitalism allowed to work the way it was meant to corrects itself with much less intervention of law than socialism. Why we have the problem of greed in America is not because of capitalism, it is because of the condition of our hearts, something that socialism cannot correct, something that the law cannot correct, it is only God that can correct our hearts.
Wow, He is blowing my mind, and I'm such a selfish servant.
I know I make a lot of generalizations, and analogies but try to follow that along and see if you see some of the same things.
Let me know what you think if you like.
The beauty and the danger in capitalism is the same as the liberty that God gives us. We can use it for great things or for terribly selfish things.
*A comment on taking from those better off to give to those less fortunate*--This is really only "fair" to those that are less fortunate (or swindlers, or abusers of goodwill), what about those that work hard for what they have and have been successful? Is it the government's job to take what he has earned and give it to someone else, what reward does he get for his hard work, a penalty from the government-the taking of his prosperity. Or rather, should it be up to the churches to instill in that man a sense of helping out his brother voluntarily, something that has repercussions of a positive nature that far exceed the effects of the government just taking his money from him because of how much he earned.
I've often commented to my friends that we have to be careful on just how much we try to make laws out of our Christian beliefs. It's true we need to defend the defenseless, help the helpless, and love our neighbors, all of which Jesus said to do. But there are times when I think we can try to make laws that overstep the purpose of the gospel. When we try to make all the commandments of Jesus into laws we ruin exactly what God is trying accomplish, we become Pharisees and Saducees, people that are only concerned about the law and not about the heart. It's also what I see a lot of in socialism. Socialism has a lot of good social principles, spreading the wealth, supplies, and work to those that need it. It would seem like a good idea to take from someone who seems to have more than they need (deserve, in other people's eyes) and give it to the less fortunate. But think about it, when you make him, by law, give it away he is more inclined to be bitter toward the law and find ways around it, thus hardening his heart.
But when a man out of his heart gives cheerfully to those less fortunate, he seems more inclined to give, and will often give above what-had he been obliged by law-to give, and his heart is close to the heart of God.
Don't get me wrong capitalism isn't perfect, but what I see in it is God's gift of freedom. I see a metaphore of Him letting us choose to do the right things, and not being held by excessive law that would overburden even the most able. You see, the law is never satisfied, none of us can ever fulfill the law. There are those that would seek to cheat the law, those that would seek to abuse the law. But when there is liberty....freedom, it is on each one of us in a much more personal way (I think). Of course we have cheaters and abusers in capitalism, but in order for socialism to work the government has to become more and more and more in charge of every part of our lives. Every little thing has to be overseen by the gov. which means we would all be drowning in more and more laws and regulations. America has unfortunately been headed this direction for some time, and it saddens me.
Proper capitalism allowed to work the way it was meant to corrects itself with much less intervention of law than socialism. Why we have the problem of greed in America is not because of capitalism, it is because of the condition of our hearts, something that socialism cannot correct, something that the law cannot correct, it is only God that can correct our hearts.
Wow, He is blowing my mind, and I'm such a selfish servant.
I know I make a lot of generalizations, and analogies but try to follow that along and see if you see some of the same things.
Let me know what you think if you like.
The beauty and the danger in capitalism is the same as the liberty that God gives us. We can use it for great things or for terribly selfish things.
*A comment on taking from those better off to give to those less fortunate*--This is really only "fair" to those that are less fortunate (or swindlers, or abusers of goodwill), what about those that work hard for what they have and have been successful? Is it the government's job to take what he has earned and give it to someone else, what reward does he get for his hard work, a penalty from the government-the taking of his prosperity. Or rather, should it be up to the churches to instill in that man a sense of helping out his brother voluntarily, something that has repercussions of a positive nature that far exceed the effects of the government just taking his money from him because of how much he earned.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
impossible for me
I've been reflecting on things that I wrote about in Gee-oh-dee along with the impact of life right now.
It's hit me with more weight than ever about what it takes to effect real change. What Christ did is the only thing that could be done. Had he done anything of himself, anything that could be attributed to some certain skill, some talent, some brilliance, then all He set into place would have been nearly nothing compared to what it is. His perfect sacrifice, His sinless life, is the only thing that actually made room for all of us to come to God.
I see in my life that where I compromise I have no defense against judgement, whether from man or God.
Had Christ ever, even once, struck back at his accusers, His message of love would have been forever tainted. [Hate and evil can never be defeated by anything less than pure love, self-less, self-sacrificing love. There is no room for me to cuss someone out in order to stand my ground. I can't punch sense into anyone, all I can really do is take a punch to prove what I say. There's no room for me to be "hard" in order to get my respect in the hiphop community when I call myself a Christian. I think it's kinda weak to keep touting your gangbanger past in order to reach a few outside the Christian scene. Jesus didn't have to be "hard"].
One slip ANYWHERE and His, mine, your accusers have us indebted forever, it can't be undone.
This isn't to say there is no freedom, no grace, no room for mistakes. It just elevates the importance of what He did. It's because He did it, and did it for us that He can give us the grace we need because we can't live up to that kind of standard!
I know this discussion doesn't help the person that doesn't understand why God has such a standard in the first place, but that's for another time, I have a small window for my writing attention span.
I guess in all this what I get is an awe for what a thing Jesus accomplished, producing gratitude in me. It also reminds me of what kind of picture a sloppy life paints. God grant me the grace to come to Him in my strength and weakness.
It's hit me with more weight than ever about what it takes to effect real change. What Christ did is the only thing that could be done. Had he done anything of himself, anything that could be attributed to some certain skill, some talent, some brilliance, then all He set into place would have been nearly nothing compared to what it is. His perfect sacrifice, His sinless life, is the only thing that actually made room for all of us to come to God.
I see in my life that where I compromise I have no defense against judgement, whether from man or God.
Had Christ ever, even once, struck back at his accusers, His message of love would have been forever tainted. [Hate and evil can never be defeated by anything less than pure love, self-less, self-sacrificing love. There is no room for me to cuss someone out in order to stand my ground. I can't punch sense into anyone, all I can really do is take a punch to prove what I say. There's no room for me to be "hard" in order to get my respect in the hiphop community when I call myself a Christian. I think it's kinda weak to keep touting your gangbanger past in order to reach a few outside the Christian scene. Jesus didn't have to be "hard"].
One slip ANYWHERE and His, mine, your accusers have us indebted forever, it can't be undone.
This isn't to say there is no freedom, no grace, no room for mistakes. It just elevates the importance of what He did. It's because He did it, and did it for us that He can give us the grace we need because we can't live up to that kind of standard!
I know this discussion doesn't help the person that doesn't understand why God has such a standard in the first place, but that's for another time, I have a small window for my writing attention span.
I guess in all this what I get is an awe for what a thing Jesus accomplished, producing gratitude in me. It also reminds me of what kind of picture a sloppy life paints. God grant me the grace to come to Him in my strength and weakness.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
hope
This was some stuff going through my head at the same time of my last writing. They seem to kind of go together, for me anyway.
I was looking at my shirt, Hope Never Fails again, and I was thinking about how true that is. Hope never fails because hope never quits, it never gives up. So I was thinking about the difference between hope and optimism and I think it's kinda like this: Optimism is usually based on feeling good about natural things, whether it's goodwill of man, or better future circumstances or even our own ability to handle situations. But hope is different because of where hope is placed. As a Christian my hope isn't placed in things like better circumstances, or humankind or even my ability to rise above life's difficulties. My hope is placed in something beyond myself, something bigger than myself, bigger than humankind. My hope's rock is something that won't let me down, something that's not as fickle as my own emotions. Where your hope is placed is important, which becomes clear if you've ever lost hope. If you've ever lost hope I suspect you placed it in something that was going to let you down, as I have done myself. Of course you probably didn't think you had it misplaced at the time, but the result of losing that hope should make it clear that whatever you placed it in failed you. Now what if you say "I put my hope in God and He let me down"?, well I dare to speculate that perhaps it wasn't Him that let you down. But rather you may have been let down because you didn't get what you expected of Him. To which I would have to reply you were not then failed by Him, but rather by your misplaced hope in your expectations of Him. So your hope was in your expectations of Him and not in Him alone. If our hope is in Him alone, whatever may come our way, we can take it head on, trusting Him in whom we hope. Why trust Him? Because His word shows us He has a plan for us a future and a hope. That His love for us only has our best interest in mind. Of course it will not always look or feel like that, but we see in a very small bit of time, and we see very little of such a vast picture.
I'm gonna come back to this as my focus comes back.
I was looking at my shirt, Hope Never Fails again, and I was thinking about how true that is. Hope never fails because hope never quits, it never gives up. So I was thinking about the difference between hope and optimism and I think it's kinda like this: Optimism is usually based on feeling good about natural things, whether it's goodwill of man, or better future circumstances or even our own ability to handle situations. But hope is different because of where hope is placed. As a Christian my hope isn't placed in things like better circumstances, or humankind or even my ability to rise above life's difficulties. My hope is placed in something beyond myself, something bigger than myself, bigger than humankind. My hope's rock is something that won't let me down, something that's not as fickle as my own emotions. Where your hope is placed is important, which becomes clear if you've ever lost hope. If you've ever lost hope I suspect you placed it in something that was going to let you down, as I have done myself. Of course you probably didn't think you had it misplaced at the time, but the result of losing that hope should make it clear that whatever you placed it in failed you. Now what if you say "I put my hope in God and He let me down"?, well I dare to speculate that perhaps it wasn't Him that let you down. But rather you may have been let down because you didn't get what you expected of Him. To which I would have to reply you were not then failed by Him, but rather by your misplaced hope in your expectations of Him. So your hope was in your expectations of Him and not in Him alone. If our hope is in Him alone, whatever may come our way, we can take it head on, trusting Him in whom we hope. Why trust Him? Because His word shows us He has a plan for us a future and a hope. That His love for us only has our best interest in mind. Of course it will not always look or feel like that, but we see in a very small bit of time, and we see very little of such a vast picture.
I'm gonna come back to this as my focus comes back.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I always lose
I don't know if you've ever felt like all you do is make excuses for God, but I've felt like that from time to time since my Mom died. What I mean is, I take the side of the Christian but also the non-christian and I debate myself. My old nature always accuses the new of always finding loopholes for God when things don't go the way I wish they would. When I want to know why my Dad has had the life he's had, the Christian answers are you going to love God when He does what you want, or because He loves you, which is the only reason I even know what love is. When the old nature asks where are His blessings?, the Christian answers look at the blessings you do have! What am I lacking that I simply cannot do without? What has God so meanly deprived me of? So then my old nature accuses me of always finding a way out for Him, because His word always has an explanation or admonition for whatever I encounter. When I am fearful about the future what does His word say? To trust Him. When I'm angry about injustice, what does His word say, that He is the judge of all and everyone will reap what they have sown. So their judgment may not fit the judgment I would exact, but God knows the heart and judges rightly, unlike us who mostly judge after what we see. Who am I to think this finite created being can question the infinite and insist He satisfy my demands? And everytime, no matter how loud the old nature likes to argue, the debate always comes down to this: who is in charge? Is it me, or God? Because you see, it is pride in my old nature that wants it's way, wants God to be who I want Him to be, not who He is.
When I demand answers, proof, satisfaction in any way, I set myself as God's judge. How arrogant can we be?!
Sure you could go through life and sit as God's judge and convince yourself you don't have to answer to Him but rather He answer to you, and since He won't or at least not to your satisfaction you insist on unbelief, or non-belief. But what a foolish argument to make. You have a right to your opinion, but I can't get over the absurdity of a piece of playdough demanding it's maker explain itself to him. I guess that's where I'm at.
I still have the debates, or rather the old nature likes to argue, but the new understands what the old refuses to accept....I am not King.
When I demand answers, proof, satisfaction in any way, I set myself as God's judge. How arrogant can we be?!
Sure you could go through life and sit as God's judge and convince yourself you don't have to answer to Him but rather He answer to you, and since He won't or at least not to your satisfaction you insist on unbelief, or non-belief. But what a foolish argument to make. You have a right to your opinion, but I can't get over the absurdity of a piece of playdough demanding it's maker explain itself to him. I guess that's where I'm at.
I still have the debates, or rather the old nature likes to argue, but the new understands what the old refuses to accept....I am not King.
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